F*ck Sex

When I started this blog, I was using sex as my motivation to write. The impact sex has had on my life, the magic and passion behind it (when done right), and the meaning it really holds for me.

So, I was sitting back and needing to write, but I couldn’t seem to find a topic to write about besides me being heartbroken/healing/mindset towards career changes… ya know the same shit I’ve been writing about for the past two months… repetitive and ANNOYING.

When I sit down to write, I don’t ever plan ANYTHING. I just write whatever comes to my head… so why is it that I haven’t sat down and automatically wrote about sex since May? Especially when sex played a huge role in my inspiration to start Dear Alissa in the first place…

I could only come up with two words when trying to answer this question for myself, and those two words are 

Fuck. Sex. 

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Not because I hate it, nor because I am not doing it… but because at this very moment in time, I have rewired my brain to not place sex as high on my “priorities list.” 

Everyone always says they are “focusing on themselves” and “focusing on their goals,” but they don’t realize that having sex is something that actually stands in the way of being able to fully commit your mind to yourself.

Why? 
Because sex is amazing. 
It serves as a connector of two souls, it provides physical and spiritual pleasure, it releases stress, it is a time passer, it is entertaining, it boosts relationships (and sometimes even begins them)... Sex really is something that is amazing.

So amazing that it takes over all of our minds without us even thinking about it. When you’re a sexually active individual, sex is something that is always in the back of your mind (arguably). Well.. for me anyways… I would go a certain amount of days and realize that I hadn’t had sex and was waiting on the next time that I was going to be able to do it. 

Uh… Sex addict?
Maybe lol… just kidding… kinda..
But seriously though, in the age range of early to mid twenties, sex is a huge part of our lives. We meet new people, go out on dates, drink at bars, meet people on social media… and the majority of the time sex is a topic that is brought up within the first month (if not by the first encounter). 

So why the fuck have I not had the mindset to be writing about it? We all know how I feel about sex and how special it should be blah blah blah.... 

Well, HONESTLY speaking, I have really been shifting my mindset and realized that sex hasn’t been on the back burner… it’s been shut in a vacuum-sealed bag, packed up in a tote, and thrown in the spider infested attic for the season. 

Weird.. I know..

But it’s true. When you decide to work towards your future goals and aspirations, sex really is something that just disappears from your mind. 
And once it is gone, you can accomplish SO much… because not only are you thinking clear about your future, but you have no distraction taking your attention and energy away from the person you are striving to be.

Now… this is a phase and it is VERY important to understand that because there is gonna be a day where you are horny as fu*k and you call up that toxic ex of yours to come over and fulfil your “needs.” 

But while the self-control and discipline is there, ride that shit out (I’m saying ride out your GOALS… not riding another human...). 

Because, look at me, with just a week of time… I have created a REAL plan for my future AND have already began to take action towards that plan. 

While sex is something that I love and serves an important purpose in my life, I am at the point where I have realized that it is distracting me from pursuing what I want to do… 

Along with every other enjoyable thing like drinking with friends, scrolling through social media, eating a whole ass bag of chips or package of Oreos… it’s something I ALWAYS say to my friends and family.. 

Instant gratification is NOT worth it. 

There was this experiment with kids a long ass time ago… the Marshmallow Experiment is what I call it (or was taught to call it this by my Psychology Teacher in twelfth grade).

The kids were allowed to have one marshmallow… but if they waited for their parent to come in the room, they were given an extra one. 

The results of the experiment is irrelevant (and also I don’t actually remember what even happened). 
It’s the purpose and message as a whole. 

When you wait it out, better results come to you. 
So, not fuckin for a while will lead me to a brighter future. 
Just like how not eating the whole package of Oreos will keep you on path towards your fitness goals.

Because when you WAIT for something… the reward is oh so mother fuckin good. 

So… while I still love sex and am lowkey self-diagnosing the sex addict title (still kidding...kinda), I am sticking by my two words that inspired this whole article…

FUCK. SEX.