dear alissa - sex

Raw Dawg

Fri, 03 Sep 2021 00:56:21 GMT

I like my sex like I like my cookies…

Oh so Alissa, you mean warm and prepared with love?

No bih… I mean FUCKING RAW.

LMFAO just kidding (partially).. I mean depending on the person, circumstance, and situation I will not be the person to lie and say “I never have had sex raw,” because like every other person on this planet… we have all had raw sex (when we knew that we weren’t supposed to) and fucking loved it.

I am being 100 with y’all, seeing how in health classes they don’t wanna tell you the truth… which is why so many mfs are pregnant and living with STDs.

Every single person (well I mean excluding a small percentage) will have raw sex with NO intentions of having a kid.

Is this a bad thing? Yes. Am I going to tell you not to do it? Absolutely not (meaning I am not gonna tell you no).

Why?
Because I am a human being just like all of you guys and I know what it is like to just lose track of the moment and wanna say Fuck It, literally.

The whole point of this article is for educational purposes because just like underage drinking, it cannot be prevented, but it can be set up in a safe environment to avoid any OTHER complications.

In a perfect world, we would wanna say that raw sex (aka sex without a condom) will be used after marriage when you are ready to have a baby. But realistically speaking… the majority of people will be having sex without a condom with their first sexual partner.

Let’s go over what they say in health class…

-Raw sex means that you will get pregnant
-Raw sex means that you will have an STD
-Raw sex is ONLY used for when you want to have a baby

False, false, and false again.

Clearly, there are WAY higher chances of getting pregnant/STDs without a condom, but bruh… you could have that shit happen to you when you ARE using a condom… trust me.. I know from experience.

So, I will tell you the real thing about raw sex.. The important thing about it that y’all don’t understand.

You will get more attached with raw sex.
It will be harder to let go of a relationship after having raw sex.
Once you introduce raw sex, you most likely can’t go back.

Story time.
I remember my first time having raw sex… sheesh bro… nothing fucking better in this world. The whole thing just was increased by 300000 times.

You both REALLY get to feel each other. Like ACTUALLY get to feel each other.

I was talking to a kid at work about it who is MADLY in love with his girlfriend… the first thing he said about raw sex was “the connection is just so much stronger.”

Like everyone knows that shit.
It’s like when someone touches your leg when you are wearing jeans vs shorts. You feel them so much more when it’s skin to skin.

The condom serves as a barrier… which is good AND bad because it is blocking the skin to skin contact from passing infections, diseases, and them bodily juices.

But, it’s also a bad thing because its FUCKING BLOCKING THE SKIN TO SKIN CONTACT, so you don’t get to ACTUALLY feel them.

So obviously, if you are feeling this person more.. You are going to feel more emotionally and spiritually connected to each other.

Which I know from FIRST HAND experience… makes it so much harder to let go of them because sexually you have really reached another level of connection than with someone with a condom. It is a TRUE bondage of your two bodies and souls at that point… and when that happens… it is SO hard to go back.

When you taste chocolate cake… it is hard to crave an apple the next day. You of COURSE are going to want to eat more of that cake because DUH it tastes waaaaay better than the apple. Hence the reasoning why people don’t really have sex with a condom after they have already taken that thing off lmfao.

Obviously, we have been told forever that this is not the best idea… but we never listen.

But coming from a person who loves sex (especially with someone I am in love with), I know that it is hard to not have raw sex… because that shit is good.

The only thing I can really say is y’all can’t really trust ANYONE… look at marriages nowadays.
Couples together for over 20 years are cheating… you gotta just make sure that you are CONSTANTLY getting tested because no matter how much someone says that they love you and that you are the only one… unless you have a camera built in their skin… they can always be doing some fuck shit when you aren’t around.

I would say… don’t give up that raw shit to just ANYONE. Wait until it is someone you truly love and see real commitment with them because honestly, the connection you will build together after having that type of sex is reaklly fucking hard to move on from. Speaking to you from a first hadn experience, if I had avoided the raw sex… I think that my past heartbreak wouldn’t have been so difficult to overcome because not only emotionally was I attached, but I was physically and spiritually connected and attached to this dude…. Which is a VERY hard thing to fight off… believe me.

I’m not gonna say DONT HAVE RAW SEX… because I know that is unrealistic in literally all aspects of our society.
All I would say and recommend is making sure that you are choosing the right person and requiring the right tests when taking that step. Because with “grown up decisions/actions” comes “grown up consequences.”

So… just be careful and VERY picky.

Are you going to listen to me? Probably not.
But.. it was worth a shot.

F*ck Sex

Thu, 19 Aug 2021 23:14:29 GMT

When I started this blog, I was using sex as my motivation to write. The impact sex has had on my life, the magic and passion behind it (when done right), and the meaning it really holds for me.

So, I was sitting back and needing to write, but I couldn’t seem to find a topic to write about besides me being heartbroken/healing/mindset towards career changes… ya know the same shit I’ve been writing about for the past two months… repetitive and ANNOYING.

When I sit down to write, I don’t ever plan ANYTHING. I just write whatever comes to my head… so why is it that I haven’t sat down and automatically wrote about sex since May? Especially when sex played a huge role in my inspiration to start Dear Alissa in the first place…

I could only come up with two words when trying to answer this question for myself, and those two words are

Fuck. Sex.

Not because I hate it, nor because I am not doing it… but because at this very moment in time, I have rewired my brain to not place sex as high on my “priorities list.”

Everyone always says they are “focusing on themselves” and “focusing on their goals,” but they don’t realize that having sex is something that actually stands in the way of being able to fully commit your mind to yourself.

Why?
Because sex is amazing.
It serves as a connector of two souls, it provides physical and spiritual pleasure, it releases stress, it is a time passer, it is entertaining, it boosts relationships (and sometimes even begins them)... Sex really is something that is amazing.

So amazing that it takes over all of our minds without us even thinking about it. When you’re a sexually active individual, sex is something that is always in the back of your mind (arguably). Well.. for me anyways… I would go a certain amount of days and realize that I hadn’t had sex and was waiting on the next time that I was going to be able to do it.

Uh… Sex addict?
Maybe lol… just kidding… kinda..
But seriously though, in the age range of early to mid twenties, sex is a huge part of our lives. We meet new people, go out on dates, drink at bars, meet people on social media… and the majority of the time sex is a topic that is brought up within the first month (if not by the first encounter).

So why the fuck have I not had the mindset to be writing about it? We all know how I feel about sex and how special it should be blah blah blah....

Well, HONESTLY speaking, I have really been shifting my mindset and realized that sex hasn’t been on the back burner… it’s been shut in a vacuum-sealed bag, packed up in a tote, and thrown in the spider infested attic for the season.

Weird.. I know..

But it’s true. When you decide to work towards your future goals and aspirations, sex really is something that just disappears from your mind.
And once it is gone, you can accomplish SO much… because not only are you thinking clear about your future, but you have no distraction taking your attention and energy away from the person you are striving to be.

Now… this is a phase and it is VERY important to understand that because there is gonna be a day where you are horny as fu*k and you call up that toxic ex of yours to come over and fulfil your “needs.”

But while the self-control and discipline is there, ride that shit out (I’m saying ride out your GOALS… not riding another human...).

Because, look at me, with just a week of time… I have created a REAL plan for my future AND have already began to take action towards that plan.

While sex is something that I love and serves an important purpose in my life, I am at the point where I have realized that it is distracting me from pursuing what I want to do…

Along with every other enjoyable thing like drinking with friends, scrolling through social media, eating a whole ass bag of chips or package of Oreos… it’s something I ALWAYS say to my friends and family..

Instant gratification is NOT worth it.

There was this experiment with kids a long ass time ago… the Marshmallow Experiment is what I call it (or was taught to call it this by my Psychology Teacher in twelfth grade).

The kids were allowed to have one marshmallow… but if they waited for their parent to come in the room, they were given an extra one.

The results of the experiment is irrelevant (and also I don’t actually remember what even happened).
It’s the purpose and message as a whole.

When you wait it out, better results come to you.
So, not fuckin for a while will lead me to a brighter future.
Just like how not eating the whole package of Oreos will keep you on path towards your fitness goals.

Because when you WAIT for something… the reward is oh so mother fuckin good.

So… while I still love sex and am lowkey self-diagnosing the sex addict title (still kidding...kinda), I am sticking by my two words that inspired this whole article…

FUCK. SEX.

Play With Toys, Not Feelings

Tue, 11 May 2021 20:40:10 GMT

After finding out about the death of a very VERY involved reader of my blog, I decided to write about something that was recommended to me by him and dedicate this post to not only him, but mental health awareness. While I did not personally know him, I do know that he has supported my postings and blog from even before day one. The fact that someone can not even know you and support you while they were battling with their own mental health is truly amazing and inspiring. I write this with a new perspective on not only mental health, but a newfound appreciation for the people who are supporting me in the background without expressing any of their own struggles out loud. I love you ALL and want you all to know that I’m here for ANYONE to talk to if need be... xoxo and most importantly…
Rest In Peace CL

Lets get into this my bebez….

When we are little and we go to Walmart what is the ONE thing we all asked for without fail?

TOYS.

Being a kid, toys seem like the best fucking thing on the planet. Leggos, Play Dough, Silly Bandz, literally the selection was ALWAYS endless… and I was ALWAYS wanting something.

But… why did I always want a toy? I was totally capable of drawing something on paper.. I didn’t NEED to have play dough. I could have worn bracelets… I didn’t NEED silly bandz. Toys were not a necessary thing for me, I could have had fun without them. Right?

The thing that made these toys so intriguing for me was the idea that they ENHANCED my kiddy play time tings. The silly bandz were more interesting than the bracelets, the play dough was more fun than the drawing.

EN-FUCKIN-HANCEMENT my friends.

So can someone please PLEASE explain to me why people get criticisized or UNCOMFY with the idea of using toys when having sex. Please… seriously, I just do not understand it.

Literally every fuckin person on this fuckin planet I SWEAR once you bring up the idea of using toys while having sex its one of two things.

Oh so the sex must not be good then if you need a toy..
Oh no… that is weird toys are for solo play.. Not when you are having sex

Lemme just tell y’all from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE (as always), both of those statements are incredibly and entirely fuckin wrong.
Let me tell you why.
As kids, we were capable of creating games to play with literally just our minds and we would have a BLAST. The toys that we used were purely assisting in the execution of the game and allowed for a more enjoyable time. Which is the purpose of **toys** (duh).

If sex is literally “adult play,” then the use of toys is kind of like… expected tbh. We can have amazing sex solo, but the toys is just an added lil pazzaz.

I was having literally the best sex of my life with this dude, and on a whim we decided to try out using toys and lemme tell you, by the end we both were laying knocked the fuck out after round fucking ONE… that is how fucking crazy the sensation is while using toys. That is not to say that we used the toys because our sex was bad, nor was it to say that we were bored with the sex we were having together. HOWEVER, the toys were used to add some extra SAZON to the activity… and sheesh… did it make all the fuckin difference.

Now, I’m not saying I use that shit everytime, but when the mood and energy is there… BRING EM OUT BRING EM OUT. I’m not even saying just vibradors and dildos because there are SO many toys you can use down to the smallest things like a damn blindfold (which i guess isn’t a sex toy… but that shit is very fucking fun and probably the easiest way to add a lil excitement into sex). Anywho… toys are the fuckin shit and have always been the shit even when we were kids. So why the fuck are we so ashamed to use them during sex!! We all love sex, why not try to ENHANCE it at the same damn time.

Normalizing using sex toys while having sex is something we ALLLLL need to start doing. Toys are meant to be played with my people…
Toys can also prep the girls AND the guys for different positions and TEACH each other about their “happy spots,” weaknesses, and of course the different things that drive them cray cray… not to mention shit is SEXY AS FUK..
When you think about it, vibrators and didlos are used by girls when they want to do shit to themselves… so girl… mix that shit in with some good ol’ sex and imagine how fuckin fire it could be for you.

So lets just say this all over again… because I want this to be CLEAR.
Just because a guy or a girl wants to use toys during sex does NOT mean that they are unhappy with the sex, nor that your girl thinks that you got a small “pee-pee,” or that you man thinks you dont got the WAP… because it is actually the complete opposite. If someone is asking you to have sex with them with their toys it’s because they are comfortable enough to want to explore themselves as well as YOU in a new sexual light…. So swallow your pride and just fucking try it out because its one of those things that benefits BOTH parties… trust.

So guys,,, don’t feel “emasculated” or any less of a man,,, because using toys while having sex has nothing to do with your masculinity being taken away… you most likely are doing that all on your own lmfao.

And girls, don’t be embarrassed to break out that vibrator or dildo when you are with your man… take matters in your own hands and watch how much they are actually gonna like it.

I mean...personally, I find that the people who aren’t comfortable using toys during sex are the people who haven’t gotten the chance to explore their sexuality as much as they should.. Like do your thing babyboo, if you don’t want to explore that is totally fine and of course not necessary.

In the meantime imma be over here with my lil mini collection, sexin it up like I’m in a romcom.

Pre-Heat The Oven

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 16:49:11 GMT

I’d like to start this piece off with a little story…

Once upon a time, there was this girl who met this boy… TOTAL opposites.

She hadn’t really explored many people in her lifetime (sexually-speaking). She was more focused on relationships, rather than just living her “best life” single.

He hadn’t really spent time on just one female.. He was constantly going from girl to girl without any commitment in sight. Totally single and totally living his best life.

For some unknown reason.. The prude and the hoe fell in love and boom-shaka-laka.. A **relationship** was born.

Well surprise I am the girl! (in case you couldn’t tell)

Now see… the thing about dating an “ex-hoe” is that there are some misconceptions about the sexual expertise of this said “hoe.”

I can tell you from my experience… I was NERVOUS as fuuuuck to have sex with a guy who had had sex with more girls than triple the amount of guys I had been with (I mean.. In my defense I was only a year after losing my virginity).
Anyways.. Moral of the story being… I was nervous.

To my lovely surprise we BOTH had some inexperience in areas of sex that I was NOT expecting.

When going in bed with someone who had been labeled a “player,” you automatically think.. Okay, this dude is a fucking pro and I have no fucking idea what I am doing. I am gonna look stupid, he isn’t gonna like it, and I am probably going to start fucking crying of complete and total embarrassment.

However, while I had zero idea how to actually have sex… a bitch DID know about this little thing called foreplay. Lemme tell you… Mr. Player had NO IDEA.

Now before I get people calling me out and telling me I’m talking shit CHILL TF OUT FOR A SECOND.

This is the sad reality of sex culture right now. Because of fuckin porn and ladies not saying JACK SHIT to fix it, we have these men who think that it is normal and totally cool with females to just try n stick that shit in right away… as if we are naturally waterfalls all the fucking time.

Of course… this was something that required communication and comfort to fix the sitchy-ation that we had going on.
But when we fixed this little detail… lemme tell you… it made ALL the fucking difference **insert wave emoji and fire emoji**

So…. the magical word…

Foreplay.

Foreplay is probably HANDS down the most important part of sex. Without it…
#1 it’s not as satisfying for both parties
#2 sex is just boring without it

Sex without foreplay is like having a cake without frosting. Like yeah… shit still tastes good but like I want that extra POP and excitement to feel allllll the more entertained.

Teaching someone about foreplay is actually so much fun because it is all so new that you both are eager to try it all out and you both get to learn and explore each others bodies. Not only does the quality of your sex get 17673992 times better, but the level of intimacy between you and your person skyrockets.

When fixing this little ish with this dude, I literally told him “we are not gonna have sex for a month.. STRICTLY FOREPLAY.”
First of all, he learned reaaaal quick how to do all my fun little tricks.
Second of all, the long awaited sex was AMAZING (although we didn’t actually make it to a month…)

Some of you people may say...
“Alissa… foreplay is just oral sex and touching.. There is nothing much to it”

Why yes my friend, you are correct. But HOW you go about these things is where the fun of foreplay lies.

Tongue, Candles, Cuffs, Ice, Candy, Champagne, Toys… you name it… you can use that shit in foreplay.

But WHY is this so important?

Well…. Foreplay is like prepping the oven before you start baking.
Ya girls need some fucking prep before you start going at it!!

Girls who are “prepped” are more into sex, feel more intimate, more comfortable, and honestly have a better shot at cumming. So tbh… it’s a win-win.

Overall, the easiest way to incorporate foreplay into your sexual routine is COMMUNICATION.

Prudes, don’t be afraid to tell them what you like/don’t like and hoes... don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and the “regular.” With some tight communication and expertimenting, bOMB aSs sex can be born… which can not only please the both of you, but build an even stronger emotional connection as well.

Sex is fun, don’t get me wrong. But guys… c’mon now.. Cant be trying to stick that shit in when its the Sahara desert, we need a little bit of warming up to get all the fluids flowin so we BOTH can have a good time.

So put some ice in your mouth and kiss around. Cuff those hands UPPP. Make it exciting, because I can promise you the whole “stick it in and missionary” bullshit gets old reaaaal quick.

I am Sexy

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 17:40:07 GMT

When someone asks me to describe myself in one word, I normally go with the typical “Outgoing,” “People-person,” or “Motivated.” It wasn’t until recently that I realized there was a word to sum up all of the character traits that describe me with just simply one word－Sexy.

With the time I have given myself to think about who I am as a person, the meaning I gave to the word sexy can describe me perfectly.

Sexy is a word that’s different than other “character trait” words. This one has a lot of different connotations, which is what makes the interpretation of the word a lot more… open. Some people may think of it in a negative light, describing someone as slutty or attention seeking. While some people may think of it in a more positive light, seeing the sexiness as confidence.

The problem that a lot of people have with me describing myself as “Sexy,” is the fact that this word is typically used to describe a physical aspect of someone. For example, a woman in a little black dress can “look sexy,” rather than “being sexy.” However, that is where I see the difference in the way I use the term in comparison to the way other people use the term.

I AM sexy… I don’t LOOK sexy.
And that’s where the difference lies.

My sexiness is more than just physical. Now, don’t have me mistaken.. I am physically confident and feel beautiful. However, my sexiness goes much deeper than what can be seen by the physical eye.
The mindset of a sexy woman is independent and driven. She does not rely on other people for her confidence, nor for motivation to create and accomplish her goals. This woman has her eye on a prize and flies solo. When adding people into her life, she is very observant of how the individuals will impact her mindset… if there is a sense of doubt or negativity, she quickly (and without hesitation) gives the big ol’ snip-snip. She is aware of what she wants to accomplish and knows a distraction when she sees one. This sexy woman makes sure to continue on no matter what obstacles/challenges are thrown her way. She is powerful, she is unfuckwithable, she is strong, she is ready. She uses her time to grow herself and notices when she has a fixable flaw. She communicates clearly and doesn’t take bullshit from anyone. Most importantly, her mindset is hers. She owns her actions and is always sure of herself.

If you notice.. I did not describe NOT ONCE the sexy woman to fit a physical description. The sexiness is in the mind. When a woman can radiate confidence and also create a positive vibe, her sexiness glows… disregarding the physical attributes completely.

Contrary to popular belief, being sexy is something that can be a character describing trait. OUR F*CKING PROBLEM is the fact that we tend to follow the societal norms in absolutely every aspect of our lives… we even let them take over our brain to create stereotypes about certain words.

Who the f*ck cares if that dress is a little short… or that dance is “too provoking”... forgive me for sounding a bit feministic, but who the fuck is society to tell me how to project MYSELF. You don’t accept me… sucks to f*ckin suck.

Cum or Go

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 07:00:00 GMT

CUM OR GO: A LADIES GUIDE TO A MUTUAL SEX RELATIONSHIP

Sex. Sex. Sex. Probably one of my favorite things on this Earth. Not because it feels good, not because its fun… but because of how it can bring out a whole new side to myself. It is sort of magic to see that the simply act of sliding something in and out can help you embrace a whole new side of your identity.

I don’t know about any of you, but for me, sex brings out a completely different person. I’m submissive, yet controlling. Sexy, yet sweet. Smooth, yet rough. I can be anyone I want during sex. It’s the one time that I have in my life to have absolutely no filter. Sex makes me feel free, in touch with my body, and overall beautiful.

So yes, sex is a beautiful f*cking thing. But you know what’s even more beautiful? Cumming.

Yes ladies… cumming for us exists, although the majority of us ladies will never experience a real orgasm during sex--- emphasis on REAL. As women, we are pretty powerless during sex. The hardness of a males “genitalia” determines when we can start sex and the “firing of their cannon” determines the end. So, we really have no say of when WE want to start or stop the physical act of sex. If you ask me.. This is some bullsh*t.

This topic is something that is almost an everyday conversation between my best friend and me. When you have obtainable, constant d*ck.. There is absolutely no reason for you to be fingerf*cking yourself in the shower after 30 minutes of sex. No. Reason. At. All. If I can make you cum.. I’m sure you can put in some effort to have me do the same.

I may not consider myself a “Sex-pert,” but I sure do know how to get myself pleased which SHOULD be one of your priorities during sex.

I am guilty of being a “people-pleaser” myself, especially during sex. I can completely relate to not giving a fuck about yourself during sex and just wanting to please your man. BUT… and thats a very big but… as a woman you need to be caring about yourself because trust me, your man probably doesn’t care.

I have had sex a good amount of times, with a decent amount of boys (notice how I said boys and not MEN). Therefore, I can speak from experience when I say that guys do not really care about their females cumming. You could give them the best sex of their lives and the second their little “explosion” happens it’s like “Okay time for a nap.” They expect us to be completely physically satisfied when their little guy is ready for night-night time.

The fact is we don’t cum when we have sex.
The fact is 30% of women cum during sex.
The fact is WTF IS THIS.

Last time I checked, sex is something that should be satisfying BOTH parties.. Not just Mr. Dicky Boy over here. So, why are we constantly faking the loud moans and orgasms (well.. Im not sure about you guys, but at least for me I’M faking it).

Could be we want to be seen as sexy.
Could be we want to make our men feel good.
Could be that we want to live up to that “Porn Star” image.
Or is could be that we are simply fed the f*ck up with not cumming and we just want sex to be over already.

Honestly, I have no idea why I do this.. What I do know is when taking matters into my own hands that sh*t can be very satisfying VERY fast. But why can’t a man do that for me?

This all comes down to the number one basic need in absolutely ever relationship.. Communication. As women, we need to understand that cumming during sex is hard. But as men, our significant others need to also understand that when they are done.. We might not be done. So yes, that might require some extra “care,” even after their little time bomb went off.

Sorry, not sorry.

Sex is a mutual arrangement. Whether you are in a committed relationship or in a hook-up, emotions and effort is required from both parties in order to make it happen. So, thinking about purely your own pleasure/how you feel is only half of the process, which is something so many men don’t understand. The most important thing is communicating about WHAT feels good for you and what you like/don’t like.

Like I said, I am guilty of wanting to please a man, I completely understand how one could disregard how they feel just to make another human feel good. But as women we really need to educate these men on how our bodies work because this “30% of women orgasm during sex” bullsh*t isn’t gonna cut it for me.

Sex is fun, sex is beautiful.. But that shits mutual which means... cum for you, cum for TWO.