Abra-ca-dabra **wishing away my self-consciousness**

Abra-ca-dabra… a word in Hebrew that means “With the words you use, you create your reality.”

While I may seemingly be a very confident female, like everyone else, I am also insecure at times (which is something that I really hate admitting). 

With being insecure, comes a lot of stress, comparing, and honestly self-destruction, which is very fucking annoying if you ask me.

For me anyways, social media is my number one killer of confidence… whether I am comparing my ass to another females’, or how luxurious someones life is in comparison to mine… all I can say to describe social media is TOXIC. 

When you think about social media, you think about “a way for people to share their lives,” instead of the reality which is “a way for people to share only the parts they want us to see.”

No one is sharing their bedhead in the morning when they first roll out of bed.
No one is sharing that little belly they have hiding under their massive “suck in” pose. 
No one is sharing their 60 hour work week that bought them that vacation (or their mommy and daddy who bought it).

Social media is the perfect world… everyone looks perfect behind their edits and filters, when in reality we are all a lot more similar than you think. People are imperfect, that flat stomach on instagram, DOES have some rolls in real life. Those faces with the flawless skin DO get blemishes when they are on their period. People DO get bloated after eating a bomb ass meal… even IF it is just a salad.

No one is fucking perfect, regardless of what everyone elses mindset is. When you actually get to know people, you realize that they have the same insecurities as you… and that they have the same struggles too. 
HOW do we get over these insecurities though? How are people so open about talking about the shit they hate about themselves?

Well, in my case, I have come up with some cures to insecurity that have helped me PERSONALLY.

1. Taking nudes
   

Yeah, sounds weird as fuck I know… but to help with physical insecurity, I have realized that taking pictures where I feel good and beautiful in my rarest form ACTUALLY makes me feel fucking unstoppable. Some people are a little more conservative and maybe they won’t want to do that and have it just chillin on their phone, BUT who the fuck cares…

That is YOUR body… half the time I set my own booty pics as my wallpaper and my parents will be like “wow alissa you really like you ass huh..” 

LIKE HELL YES I DO.. I like that shit so much that every time I go on my phone I see it think “Damn… I worked hard to have a nice lil booty like that… sheeeit.”

And sometimes I dont feel as confident in the pictures and I set them as my wallpaper anyways and say to myself eVERYTIME I open my phone “Alissa you are fucking beautiful..”

I am constantly telling myself that I am beautiful SO when my brain goes “bitch.. You ugly..” that consistency turns into an actual belief and I can say “nahh… bitch you a baddie.”

1. Writing on my mirrors
   

This one is VERY similar to the one above, but it just always is a little touch that takes you a long way…
I have three mirrors in my apartment. The first one is at the entrance, where I put my keys down. The second one is in my bathroom, and the third is in my bedroom. 

On every single mirror I have a different positive affirmation written down (mainly about appearances because physical insecurities are something I really do struggle with from time to time). At the entrance I have something written about my overall beauty, so it’s the first and last thing I see when I walk in or out. In my bedroom, I have something written about my “baddie beauty,” because I tend to look at my booty/outfits in that mirror. And in the bathroom (where I spend my time getting ready and really analyzing my physical appearance) I have deeper messages written because that is honestly the spot where I am the hardest on myself. Whether I am working myself up over my acne, or pointing out my chunky areas… I really tend to focus on making myself feel imperfectly beautiful and admiring, but most importantly ACCEPTING all of my flaws/imperfections. 

The most influential part about writing on mirrors is the fact that even if you don’t believe it, over time you will start to adapt the mindset that all of those phrases are true just by simply looking at it over and over again. Just like when you are studying… when you re-read all of the material, it eventually becomes second nature to you. 

If you can put that much time and effort into learning the fucking quadratic formula or the conjugation of verbs… I think you can write something down and look at it a few times a day to create a better sense of self-worth. 

1. I’m only gonna write about three of these steps (even though I have a giant list of them) SOOO my final step is my all time favorite.
   

I mean, don't get me wrong… I love looking at my booty pics on the homescreen of my phone, BUT this one really trumps all of my other steps. 

THIS one has nothing to do with me though.. Step three is simple…

HYPE. OTHER. PEOPLE. UP.

I’m talking complete and total strangers… people you have never talked to EVER BEFORE. 

Because you wanna know why?! There is nothing that SCREAMS confidence than a female (or male) who can go compliment another female (or male) about their beauty and still not have to question THEIR OWN. 
I’ve been in the situation where I questioned my beauty and my own self-worth because my partner was looking elsewhere and paying his attention to other females/ complimenting other females/ seeking their attention/ giving them attention.

AT FIRST, I felt fucking beytrayed, upset, and overall fucking disappointed. 

But… I didn’t realize until later that because I put myself in this repetitive situation of a consistent feeling to have to compete for attention/ prove my beauty to someone… my self-image had been tarnished in the process. 
It wasn’t until recently that I started to rebuild my confidence and sense of self worth (and while the process has been rocky and very long), I can seriously see the improvement in my mental and physical security AND I feel more confident. 

With this being said, I adapted my favorite new thing to do when I am feeling EXTRA self-conscious (which typically happens when I am at the gym to be totally honest). 

I literally go up to the girl that I am comparing myself to.. The one who I keep saying “wow shes prettier/more fit/more perfect than me,” and I simply go up to her and give her the nicest compliment I can think of in the moment. 

Without thinking.
Without hesitating.

I just go.

Now… this has taught me A LOT about people in general and being able to spot insecure people (which I will get more into in a different article). BUT just because you compliment someone, doesn’t mean that they will be as open as you think.

One time I went up to a girl and told her she was a queen and she literally laughed at me and walked away with her friend. AMAZING RIGHT? 

However, another time, I went up to a girl and complimented her telling her she was absolutely stunning and she said to me, “Are you kidding me?! I saw you walk by and was like oh my god her body is amazing.”


It’s interactions like that last one that REALLY convinces me that this complimenting thing works for me. Not only was I able to make someone feel good about themselves, but I was validated in the fact that I am also FUCKING STUNNING. Now.. obviously not everyone reacts the same exact way BUT… regardless of if they react the way you are hoping… or in the complete opposite way…

The fact that you have the balls to go up to someone shows that you are THAT comfortable with yourself and THAT confident in your own beauty, that you can make someone who looks totally different than you feel beautiful… is A HUGE step for you mentally. 

When you are able to look at someone else and think they are beautiful AND ALSO look at yourself and think that you are just as beautiful as they are.. You are fucking winning. 

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While these steps don’t work all the time, just like everything else in life- - consistency is key. 

Confidence is not something that we are blessed with. We create that shit with our WORDS and how we speak to ourselves AND other people. 

Let me say it again… abra-ca-dabra… a word in Hebrew that means “With the words you use, you create your reality.”

Speaking to yourself and showing yourself the confidence that you WANT is going to make that shit a reality. 

ABRA-CA-DABRA BIH :)