Why Love?

Whenever I sit down and feel the need to write, it has somethin to do with either sex, love, or mental health. The funny part is that all of these aspects of life are intertwined and have a HUGE impact on our day-to-day lives… well MY day-to-day life.

I have been hurt and I have done the hurting. I have experienced heart break and I have given a heart break. I have experienced puppy dog love and real love. I have missed someone, I have hated someone, I have gone back to someone… I have suffered. ALL because of love.

You wanna know what the funny part of all of this is? It is worth it. 

For me, the risk of heartbreak and the risk of all that pain is worth being in love and feeling in love. You may have caught me at a good time in my relationship… or maybe I am completely blind.. But all I know is that the love I am experiencing right now is raw and real. 

We have fucked each other (literally and hypothetically), we have hurt each other, we have argued for days on end with absolutely no sign of recovery… but we have also held each other, and supported each other and grown together. 

THIS is love. Love is heartbreak, love is struggle, love is betrayal. 

“You got it all twisted Alissa, love is not all of that.. Love isn’t pain.. You shouldn't feel hurt when in love… you DESERVE MORE,” they all tell me.

But you fuckheads got it all twisted. Love is being able to see the flaws in a person and look past them… and accept them. You are supposed to overcome your challenges and work on them because in EVERY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP there is going to be something that fucks you over. We are all curious for attention, we all like sex, and we all are attracted to other human beings. That is just how the human race works.. We were not wired to want just one person forever, so being able to accept that and accept the fact that we are MAKING ourselves be with one person is important… Patience is key. 

I am a successful woman. I make a good living for my lifestyle, I have traveled the world alone, I am self sufficient and provide all for myself with absolutely no help from anyone else. I go to the gym regularly, I have a beautiful body and an even more beautiful mind… but the reality is that I want love. I love myself and my accomplishments, but the ability to GIVE love to someone else and to RECEIVE love is something that in MY life… I want it,, and in this very moment, I found that. I know I change my mind a lot so ask me in 2 weeks and we will see if I still feel that way….BUT as of right now, I have that.

&& it isn’t perfect.
&& it isn’t always beautiful.
&& it is hard-work.
&& it isn’t something that I expect anyone to understand.
But to me its unconditional and meaningful,, so sorry to disappoint but it is mine.